Facing my Fear of losing myself and falling.

Just about everyday in my life is with a horse. I still feed at Peace Palace just to be with them, to love on them, and to be present to my fears. When I get the chance, I head out to Friendship Stable to spend time with Cisco. And today I got some time with a 3 great gals- my Mom, Allison, and Jim’s fabulous Mustang, Reba.
So good to have my mom around for support and to learn about horses. And so grateful to Allison in allowing me to move slowly with Reba. We took pics today of yoga postures around and on Reba.
From the ground up is how I moved.
I had to stay present to her energy, My energy, My breathing, and The world around us in which influenced what would be my next step.
I hold my breath, my body tightens up. And she responds. It is never about the pose. It is about being present and facing what is real.
My job is to move mindfully, relax, and mold onto her, evenly distributing my weight. Pressing on Stress Points of hers to release any tension. She gets a massage, I get a stretch and clarity of mind. Facing one of my biggest fears.
Fear of failing. Falling gracefully. Fear of losing myself. Luckily I moved slow enough not to fall. Backing off as I needed.
She is even tempered, patient, and sweet. Jim adopts Mustangs from the West and helps others in the process.
Reba was one of those mustangs from long ago. He taught her not to fear humans.
Humans that everyday fail one another and all of Mother Earth’s creatures.
But then there are these humans, Mami, Allison, & Jim, that are here to support me on this journey of facing my fears.
Thanks for  your support during this venture. I want to show my daughter that we don’t need to lose who we are in life by not doing the things that resonate with us. And for some strange reason Yoga and Horses really makes me feel a bit more at peace. And I am scared in a really good way.
Moving forward this Spring with Growth and a Healthy Passion.
This feels good.

Complacency by Convenience.

How many times have you become Complacent bc something is Convenient?

Day in day out we take so much for granted to the point that the thought of practicing mindfulness becomes difficult to grasp. To understand mindfulness we need to become conscious in our everyday decisions.
Why did we choose that over this? Aesthetically is it more pleasing or does it serve a purpose? Does it resonate within you?
Is it fear that shifts your attention to what is Convenient?

Funny how the actions I see everyday off the mat even with myself cause so much turmoil for people around the world.
I have an issue. My issue is this thing called Alcohol. Pharmaceutical stores on ever corner. Lack of people wanting to cope with all the emotional baggage they would rather hoard onto. Loss of Truth within ourselves.

The other day, a mom posted about a “wine” shop that would be opening with childcare and a van with car seats to take these mom’s home with their children. Another sill April Fools Joke. My response was that the thought made me sour. I didn’t agree and I speak from experience. In 1996 I was hit by a drunk driver. I was a designated driver as I always am. By choice. It was a hit and run and she was a school teacher whom’s husband was cheating on her. She didn’t even know she hit me. Physically I was okay. Car not really but that is fine, bc I have my life. She phoned me years later to say she was sorry but still didn’t remember hitting me. I had her do community service on the side of the road. My father blamed me bc I was out late at night.

Shortly after I became a server at a local restaurant, bc it is the server’s responsibility to cut people off if they have too much to drink. Not the case with her. But I wanted to have control of who was on the streets and that they were sober. Amazing on how many police officer I couldn’t let drive home. This meant I over served. So I made sure the police officer at the restaurant escorted them to a cab at the time. But I knew they would have more of a chance to make it home safe by not driving.

So as I write this and recall license plate VXP 10F it brings tears to my eyes when the thought that people agree to having someone else take their children home bc they had too much to drink at a “wine” bar with babysitting. I am not against people drinking. I am not supportive towards people who do not choose to practice “moderation” and set these examples to their children and those around them. And I have a child, and their influences will be out in the world with my child. And I have no control. But I can teach my daughter how to move mindfully and make choices of coping with the breath alone. Bc really nothing can get us so high as when we practice deep breathing.
It is euphoric. No wine. No drug. Not even a horse.

You take everything away and all you have is your breath.

Your breathing can assist you in coping with the stuff that you feel the need to wine about . It can help you to chill. It can get you high. It can bring you peace.

And now I see Yoga and Wine or Yoga and Beer. Straight up Ignorant to the fact that Yoga purifies and cleanse. It is a self massage and if you drink after a massage, you can become more drunk. And if the thought of that entices you , maybe come to class and learn a bit more about yourself. Because it scares me that people don’t apply common sense as much and act still with what seems “cool”. Really?

On top of this I have come across more than a handful of post teens or young adults that have been so influenced by alcohol becoming complacent in their lives that they feared where their life would be and if it would even be. I have 2 close and dear friends that they lost a parent to suicide and alcohol.

I think we need a shift of awareness in how complacent we are because of coveninences in our lives and start looking into what truly resonates within us, starting with the one thing that is most difficult. Breath awareness.

Definition of complacency



  1. 1:  self-satisfaction especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies When it comes to safety, complacency can be dangerous.


Why not hot yoga?

I have been wanting to write this for awhile and some one lit the fire under my butt, for more than one reason.

I appreciated this article, bc at the end yoga is about simplifying and applying common sense.

My thoughts:
I say put chicken in hot water and see what happens. It shreds in time. Watch the water evaporate from the pot and all you have is shredded dehydrated chicken. Think about it. Most people drink coffee in the morning, sit at a desk all day long, drink maybe a couple classes of water with some more coffee (1cup of cofffee needs about 4 cups of water to filter out of the body ), go to a heated room of 95 + degrees, ask the body to destress by adding this intense heat, asking it to stretch, now wait work, no wait stress, and then sweat as much as you might just sitting in a sauna, go home have glass of wine to chill and then go to bed to repeat again. I don’t agree. Like the article said yoga is about learning moderation not taking things to extreme. It’s feeding the ego bc the needs for instant gratifcation. Plus I have never heard of proper ujjayi breathing done by a hot yoga practictioner. I have heard dehydrated breathing or survival breathing though. And I think the first thing that should be taught is the breathing. Think about it – toxins are released thru our exhales, going to the bathroom or 1% from our skin. Sweating from the skin is meant to regulate our body temps. When we are stressed we sigh, we might get an upset stomach, but the first thing we always do is sigh.Could you imagine if we poo’d ourselves each time we got stressed. Hot yoga is not yoga, it is a fad that in time simply shreds the muscles, over tugs the ligaments (don’t get me started on misalignet due to weak tendons and ligaments) and simply doesn’t allow people to do the hard work of consciously quieting their minds on their own. These are just a few of my many thoughts based on what I have observed and yes experienced. I don’t agree and I don’t need to agree with hot yoga. You can sit in a sauna and burn the same amount. I think sauna’s are fine to be used alone but not meant to practice yoga.  But we are a culture of multi-managers right? Simplify and we can be more satisfied.